There and Back Again

by The Nowhere Man

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1.
Moving On 03:00
Finally, it's here After all these years After all this time Finally, it's mine I'm ready to move on To begin life anew To live in a better place To learn from the real world Finally, I'm through With that forsaken place I don't have to face All those wayward souls They look just one way And never look back They are stuck in their cave And ignore the world around No more preaching From just one book No more hypocrisy And living only lies No more pretending Like everything is great No more foolishness About trying to fit in
2.
It's another late night, when must I get up? Am I tired or am I not? Should I sleep or stay up? It's another long night, what is it this time around? Is it homework or is it friends? Is it love or something else? There are times like these when I look back at myself And I know I've changed, I know I'm not the same I can't ever go back Who would want to anyway? I know I've certainly changed I know I'm not the same If who I was then saw who I am now My former self would be furious that I'd sold out I'd look at me now, curse, and call me foolish I'd call my happiness fake and my reality false Is it the people, the places, myself, or just time? Something somewhere has caused me to change And I really must wonder how I got to where I am Even a year ago nothing seemed quite the same
3.
Ich könnte immer wandern Durch diese unendliche Straßen Immer wieder, immer wandern Durch diese fantastische Straßen Immer etwas, etwas Neues Zu finden – auf diesen Straßen Immer Licht, immer Leute Etwas los in dieser Welt Die alte Stadt, die alte Straßen Für Autos viel zu klein Eine Straße mit Kopfsteinpflaster, Nur für die Fußgänger Imbisse, Geschäfte, Cafés, Paläste Eine Kirche pro jede Straße Mit grünen Kuppeln umd gold'nen Säulen Musik in der Luft: Ein Cello oder Akkordeon Der Wechsel der Saison – Kalter Winter, schöner Frühling Ein allmählicher Sonnenuntergang, Eine Nacht mit nichts zu tun Und so ich geh' spazieren, Nur zu forschen durch diese Straßen Sie bringen Erinnerungen, Gedanken, und Gefühle Es gibt noch mehr zu finden Auf diesen unendlichen Straßen Gebäuden, Geschichte, Geschäfte, Geschöpfe Ich könnte immer wandern Durch diese unendliche Straßen Immer wieder, immer wandern Durch diese fantastische Straßen Translation: I could wander forever Through these neverending streets Forever onward, always wandering Through these fantastic streets Always something, something new To find on these streets Always light, always people Something going on in this world The old city, the old streets, Much too small for cars A street with cobblestone, Only for people on foot Snack stands, stores, cafés, palaces A church on every street With green domes and golden columns Music in the air: A cello or accordion The change of the seasons - Cold winter, beautiful spring A gradual sunset, A night with nothing to do And so I go walking, Just to explore through these streets They bring memories, Thoughts and feelings There is still more to find On these neverending streets Buildings, history, stores, creatures I could wander forever Through these neverending streets Forever onward, always wandering Through these fantastic streets
4.
One day it started to rain And I had to step outside And on my very short way Out of the sky this thing hit my leg I went inside to dress my wound Then I had to continue on my way But somehow now the sky had cleared Now I'm left with this permanent mark Out of the sky this thing fell on me Brings back an old memory Out of the sky this thing fell on me Now part of my history Later I went back to where it fell It had been a large wooden thing All that was left was just a single splinter And this I carried back across the sea Now you know I'm not a believer I know you can call me a fool But I don't know just what to think When something falls from the sky and hits me Another second and I might be dead It feels strange but has to be said Another second and I might be dead Now I have this scar instead
5.
Yes, I am home, home at long last As best as this is now my home I am scattered here, there, and everywhere, yet They say that home is where the heart is But then confusion strikes - What if the heart is split in two Or three or more, or just isn't sure at all? I deny that birth implies home, But I must admit a degree of comfort there It's what I know, it's where I grew But I must ask what's left for me there... But what about another place? The other side of the world? So called "foreign" here, But maybe it's there I belong On the other side of the world I could write a song about every last thing It's hard to lead a double life, my mind in two places And nostalgia will lead me away I'm caught somewhere between This world and that I'm living a double life Of two irreconcilable halves I love the life I've found on the other side of the world But I miss what I'd grown in the old When I think about where I belong I have no answer to where I call home All that I know is that I'm caught in between I don't have a final destination Man sagt, das Heim ist wo das Herz ist Aber mein Herz liegt hier, da, und überall Ja, ich weiß nicht, wo ich gehören Ich bin zwischen diese Welt und die andere So wo soll ich gehen Wenn ich gar nicht weiß, Wo ich wirklich gehören? Mein Herz ist verwirrt Translation of final verse and chorus: People say that home is where the heart is But my heart lies here, there, and everywhere Yeah, I don't know where I belong I am caught between this world and the other So where should I go If I have no idea at all Where I really belong? My heart is confused
6.
Does it matter what words I write? Does it matter what words I sing? Will anyone read them? Will anyone ever care? If I write them, will they read it? If I sing them, will they listen? Does it matter what chords I play? Will they notice if I'm not in tune? Why should I even bother If no one stops to listen? What am I supposed to do With all these words I write And the words I did not write And the words I can't even spell Will they be remembered? Or will they just fade away? Where do the go if they aren't heard? Left to rust like broken guitars Does anyone ever listen to what I'm saying? Does anyone care? Should I just fade away? All alone with my words, my memory for sale No one ever seems to listen, maybe I should fade away We'll just fade, fade away...
7.
You know, I think it's time – time to admit it's over And I think I missed my chance; I let opportunity fly by These mistakes are not lightly made, but all so easily rued Sun comes through my blinds – a silhouette of a tree on my wall And I'm alone, I feel it My mind still thinks in winter; the late light suspends disbelief You could be here, but no avail - you have made a different choice Love has truly torn us apart, but we're not truly disconnected I know it can't be like before, but let's not toss this wholly away But I'm alone, I can feel it You could say I'm set free, free to find a new direction Call it a blessing and a curse; now it's time to move along Dark clouds come and then they go; there's always something new to learn The hitch of dissonance will slowly fade; time to live my own life And I'm alone, I feel it
8.
Horizon 05:09
Wild mood swings assault me again I feel up, I feel down, I'm all around Another day feeling helpless again Running in circles, back to the start Trapped in a loop of endless repeat A wasted morning and a beautiful evening A sleepless night and a stressful new day It all comes back like déjà vu Stuck here but waiting for something to change Optimistic, pessimistic, and all in between Hoping for a break from these unceasing days Wondering will life ever be normal again When did these days get so dark? Whenever will spring finally come? I cannot escape these such strange, strange days I cannot handle this heavy weight I'm high as a kite until thunder strikes me down Floating by, just waiting for the storm to come I know this cannot last here forever But the end seems nowhere in sight I cannot escape from these strange endless days I cannot handle what I have done to myself Life's become a psychological nightmare by day Wild mood swings have taken over my life
9.
Set in Stone 03:53
Is it possible to record every memory? To trace every thought, remember each detail? It would take a lifetime – just to write everything down Each and every thought; a countless sequence I could write a song about All the songs I never wrote All the people I've known All the places I've been All the things I've done That I never wrote about I could write a song about All the songs I never wrote And the further you go; the more you think about it – The more you can recall: things long since forgotten How great the temptation, to permanize your life Write every idea down, record a lifetime
10.
In einer Welt, die ich nicht verstehen kann Gab es ein Land, das heute kaum existiert Städte, die jetzt eine andere Sprache haben Leute, unter andere Länder getrennt Geschichte, zu oft übersehen aber gar nicht vergessen Kultur, dankbar noch zu finden und nicht verloren Ein Reich, einmal mächtig und heute zerstört, Das über den Kontinent ausbreitet Eine Erinnerung, die die Leute noch erinnern Aber die die anderen glücklich schnell vergaßen In so einem heutigen kleinen Land Lebt noch diese Idee von Majestät Ein alter Traum, wunderbare Gedanken, Der ab und zu noch bemerkt wird Es gibt noch eine Stadt mit diesen Wundern Mit alten Straßen, Gebäuden, und Geschichte Erinnerungen in anderen Städten, die einmal ein Teil waren Und eine literarische Tradition, die nicht verschwinden kann Dies ist ein vergaßenes Reich Dies ist altes Österreich Translation: In a world that I cannot understand There once was a country that hardly exists today Cities that now speak a different language People divided into different countries History too often overlooked but not at all forgotten Culture thankfully still abundant and not lost An empire, once powerful but today destroyed, That spread across the continent A memory that the people still remember But that the others happily forget quickly In what is such a small country today Still lives this idea of majesty An old dream, wonderful thoughts, That now and then are still noticeable There is still one city with these wonders, With old streets, buildings, and history Memories in other cities that were once a part And a literary tradition that cannot disappear This is a forgotten empire This is former Austria
11.
Your Words 03:49
It's been so long since I heard your words I'd forgotten what they meant to me If only I'd paid more attention It feels just like yesterday Farther in space but not in mind Try to remember the days gone by Always offered a cold root beer Happily jamming with nothing in mind One of a few in a place of none Such a poor environment Trying to be a bit different Trying to do something unusual Play me a song, sing me a story or something Let me escape from this cruel, cruel world Let's do something ere the world stops Play some music, learn something new Take a trip to see your new abode See you flourish in your new life Show us around and what it means to live Live a new life away from that hell
12.
Rumination 05:33
When I ruminate like this, when I think about these times I can't help but feel strange; I feel weak and insecure This tale never ends, it's a path that never ends No matter how far I follow or how often I stumble We've been through a lot now, here and there and back again And in this latest chapter I have really lost my way This tale never ends, it's a path that never ends No matter how far I follow or how often I stumble Should I feel regret or a tinge of guilt? Should I just submit and then call it a day? Should I forge ahead and thus never let go? Should I break down and cry or perhaps at least try? It's too hard to keep this up, slowly losing my mind Too complex and too confused, I must find a way out I don't know what to do, I don't know where to turn Should I find a new direction and just live with my mistakes? It's over, it's done, I'm finally through I can sleep, I can dream, I can live my life It all comes back in the blink of an eye It hurts to say but the time has come My heart is released; it unfolds into shape All things must pass but it's hard to end I'm free from these chains of perpetual frustration Free to look around and free to wake up It's been a long ride and a hard one at that One door has closed and another must open I've followed that path and I'm done with that I don't yet know which road to take
13.
You know this all came from nowhere, and it left in a flash And I just feel alive and maybe I feel in love In my head is all this music mixing with my thoughts I've got this feeling, this crazy feeling, that I'm not going to sleep tonight Driving around at night, staying up far, far too late Trying to get lost, trying to go nowhere Just sharing my mind, letting it free - it's a beautiful thing I guess I'll never quite know why I acted this way or that I guess I fell in love and I couldn't stop thinking It felt too soon I'd leave you, but we didn't seem to care I wanted to sit and write a song, run around and make some noise All my emotions float around in the cauldron of my mind Driving around and hanging out - it's another late night Now I'm driving back home - it's always a slow drive It's dark and the streets are empty; no one's around but the police I wish the night lasted longer, I wish I could skip responsibility I didn't want this to end; I would do this forever I knew I didn't want to say goodbye, I just knew that I would cry
14.
I find it strange that you feel so lonely And the reason you say is that too many have wanted you And you find it strange that I feel so lonely Because... no one gives a damn So how could it be that we both feel the same When such different things have happened to us? Is it so simple or could it be deeper? Is it my gender or is it my sex? Sometimes I feel like the world is too big And all I really want is to understand everything I've said it before and I'll say it again: we live in a world split in half But how do I get to the other side of this chasm? I wish I could say that we are the same But I fear that we aren't and I wish I knew how Try as I might and try as I do - And I do, but I can't understand what it's like Call it mystique or call it what you will But what gets me down is I'm not allowed to try Who cares that I'm male or if you're a girl? You can be me but why can't I be you? I can't feel the pain that you feel inside I can't know what it's like or share in your thoughts Perhaps we experience life in a different way Words can't express all the feelings caught in between I just wish I knew how it feels, what it's like I suppose that you could ask the same of me I just want to know and understand everything But how can we meet and share what we know?

about

The first album by the Nowhere Man, inspired primarily by travel and education.

credits

released September 3, 2008

All songs written by Patrick Vacek, March 2005 – August 2008.
All songs recorded and produced by Patrick Vacek, May – August 2008.
All songs mixed and mastered by Patrick Vacek, August 2008.
All acoustic guitars, electric guitars, e-bows, 12-string guitars, bass guitars, keyboards, melodicas, marimbas, drums, percussion, and vocals performed by Patrick Vacek.
General technical assistance by James Vacek.
Drum technical assistance by Shannon Vacek.

Thanks to the Vacek family, the Minder family, and all my friends and musical co-conspirators, especially Josh P., Josh K., Brad, Karl, Theel, Austin, Ian, and Greg. Additional thanks to Gabe for indefinitely lending his melodica.

Cover photography by Patrick Vacek, Mainz, Germany, February 2007.

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