A Double Life

by The Nowhere Man

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1.
I'm leaving Saint Louis for the last time I've finally hit the end of the line Time to head off and find a new home I hate to say it but I've got to move on Maybe one day I'll find my way back See my friends and the familiar sights Relive the memories of a good life Restore the bonds that had been so strong I'll miss the parks and the streets I walked on I'll miss the restaurants at which I loved to eat I'll miss my college where I spent all my time I'll miss the city for all the little things I'll miss the arch that I rarely looked at I'll miss the bars that I never went in I'll miss the river that never smelled nice I'll miss the suburbs that kept on sprawling I'll miss my friends that taught me so much I'll miss the places where we used to hang out I'll miss my brother and all his crazy films I'll miss my cat and the scars he'd give me I'll miss the girl I fell in love with I'll miss the nights we stayed up so late I'll miss the mornings when we stayed in bed I'll miss the everything we shared together
2.
Every winter is colder than the last The days seem shorter than I recall The darkness comes too soon, day becomes night Seasons come and go before my eyes Does my memory deceive? Does it lie? Each year is a surprise – it makes no sense I seem to forget what I know is to come In my memory, it's always bright and warm How can I trust my mind? A haze covers the past The gaps are obvious I can see something lacks There's a darkened shroud lying over me It's subtle and gray but I can tell Seasons remind me that life is not constant It's a lesson that I should learn soon
3.
03:10
I don't know why, when I look at the sky I feel something special You can tell, if you listen well I say it rather often When I'm alone and I'm walking home There's something reassuring I like to see where the moon might be Let's hope it isn't hidden There's something strange about the change Of living how you want to They call it free, and perhaps it could be But there's something more behind it If you know where you want to go Don't let them try to stop you When the morning comes, if you didn't have fun Well, what was all the worry for? It's getting late, I should be in bed I need to sleep, life continues on These thoughts keep me awake at night How did I end up here and now? The journey was long, I think It's one of those things, you know
4.
03:40
Es ist eine Weile gewesen Seitdem ich bemerkt habe Dass ich in Deutschland lebe Nicht mehr in Amerika Etwas kann nicht richtig sein Wenn der Reiz fast verschwunden hat Ist es nur die dunk'le Tage Oder ist etwas Anderes los? Vielleicht ist die Einsamkeit Einfach zu viel zu ertragen Vielleicht vermiss' ich zu viel Meine Freunde und Familie Dies ist keine kleine Pause Ich bin ja wirklich weg Und jetzt kommt die große Frage: Kann das meine echte Heimat sein? Translation: It's been a long time Since I've considered the fact That I'm living in Germany I'm not in America anymore Something can't be right If the charm has nearly faded Is it just the dark days Or has something else gone wrong? Perhaps the loneliness Is just too much to handle Perhaps I miss my family And my friends too much This is not just some short break I'm really, truly doing it And now here's the big question: Could this really be my true home?
5.
05:03
Way up in the air, the sky is falling down If the clouds would move, there'd be lights everywhere Little lines and dots, moving through the space Burning up before too long, way up in the air Leave the city lights, head out by the river Standing in the dark, head turned to the sky And the time is drawing near, when you'll come and free my mind So I wish the days go fast, while I wish the days go slow Always so much on my mind, where to go and what to do Leave the city lights, take the time to run away Look up at the sky, see the stars falling down
6.
Sie ist weg, sie ist weg Jetzt allein, sie ist weg Sie ist weg, wieder in der Heimat Sie ist weg, wieder in der Heimat Jetzt allein, jetzt ist keiner mehr da Sie ist weg, wieder in der Heimat Ich weiß nicht, was zu tun Ich weiß nicht, wohin zu gehen Sie war hier, und jetzt nicht mehr Hier mit mir, aber es war kurz Sie war hier mit mir In meiner Ecke der Welt So schön, so kurz: so ist das Leben Nur ein Traum auf einem Mal ist alles, dass ich haben darf Ich weiß nicht, was zu tun Ich weiß nicht, wohin zu gehen Sie war hier und jetzt schon weg Hier mit mir, aber viel zu kurz Eine kurze Zeitlang war sie hier Wie ein Licht in der Finsternis Wie die Ankunft der Frühlingszeit Jetzt muss ich irgendwo, irgendwohin weg Translation: She has gone, she has gone Now I'm alone, she has gone She has gone back home She has gone back home Now I'm alone, now there's no one else here She has gone back home I don't know what to do I don't know where to go She was here and now she's gone Here with me, but it was brief She was here with me In my corner of the world So beautiful, but so short: such is life I'm only allowed to have one dream at a time I don't know what to do I don't know where to go She was here and she's already left Here with me, but all too brief For a short interlude she was here Like a light in the darkness Like the arrival of springtime Now it's time to run somewhere far away
7.
Winter in Hannover ist kalt und einsam Nach Weihnachten und einem Besuch Die Märkte sind vorbei und nichts ist los Deswegen muss ich irgendwohin weg Ich hab' nur einen Ziel, das Beste in diesem Land Der schnellste Zug dauert nur zwei Stunden nach... Berlin! Ich bin früh angekommen, so ich lauf' den ganzen Weg Von Potsdamer Platz nach dem Bauhaus-Archiv Nördlich bis zur Siegessäule, östlich nach dem großen Tor Es ist dunkel, es ist kalt, heute ist Silvester in... Berlin! Friedrichstraße, über die Spree, kleiner Imbiss, immer weiter Kleine Kneipe mit Punkmusik, zwei Bands und endlos Bier Kurze Pause um Mitternacht, alle gehen auf die Straße Feuerwerke und Schneebällchen fliegen in die ganze Stadt in... Berlin! Diese Stadt hat eine Energie Einen Geist, ein Gefühl, einen Zauber Geschichte lebt und atmet hier Musik und Kunst sind überall in... Berlin! Translation: Winter in Hannover is cold and lonely After Christmas and a visit The markets are over and nothing's going on Therefore I need to go away somewhere I have a single destination, the best in the land The fastest train takes two hours to get to... Berlin! I arrived early, so I'll walk the whole way From Potsdamer Platz to the Bauhaus Archive Northwards to the Victory Column, eastwards to the big gate It's cold, it's dark, but today is New Year's Eve in... Berlin! Friedrichstraße, over the Spree, grab a snack, move onward A small bar with punk music, two bands and endless beer A short break at midnight, everyone hits the street Fireworks and snowballs fly across the entire city in... Berlin! This city has an energy A spirit, a feeling, a magic History lives and breathes here Music and art are all around in... Berlin!
8.
04:29
I don't know which is worse – The way it ended, or the way it began I know the whole thing was cursed But why would you go and make it worse? An eye for and eye leaves everyone blind What more reason do you need to find? The greatest evil of the world Need not be fought by equal means Nothing can justify the crime Of killing innocent souls If you go to the homeland You can see they will not forget It would be impossible When you're reminded everywhere If you look at old pictures You will see it was all different And the reason's not just progress It's because we destroyed it all If you're counting atrocities Don't forget the firebombs and nukes Dropped on palaces and factories And homes still with people inside
9.
Oh no, Josephine, I've missed a-strumming on your strings On no, Josephine, it's been a far too long a time Oh no, Josephine, you've been a-hidden far away Oh no, Josephine, too bad we had no better choice Got to town in good condition, but I knew the weather couldn't last Clouds rolled in, it just got colder, snow fell and never ever left Made a hobby of exploring all the alleys and the grocery stores Went to the top of the Rathaus – it's got nothing on the Arch Saw the Gardens on their last day, then I started hopping on the train Rode for free through Niedersachsen, tried to see every single town I knew needed my music back, so I went to find a guitar Looked around for the right one, searched the city all up and down Then I learned that I'd be leaving and I wondered what to do Too much to carry with me, but I wasn't going to leave you behind Caught a train off to Colonia, and I brought you there to stay Came back four weeks later, took you back to my new home
10.
On the train along the Rhine Count the castles along the way Past Koblenz and the vineyards In the distance, north of Bonn You can see the mighty spires Looking over the city Leave the station, cross the square Climb the steps and look around Once the tallest of them all Somehow survived through the war Claimed forever unfinished Dark and cold but beautiful The three kings have settled here If that's what they really are Tombs below host centuries Rows and rows of long deceased Stained glass hovers in the hall Abstract squares form a pattern Climb the tower to the top Take a look at what's below Rebuilt houses painted bright Parks and bridges and cafés See the bend in the river Somewhere there lies Drachenfels In this ancient Roman town They have built this grand old church Towering over the rest Watching history flow by
11.
Spring's awakening and so am I Things are finally turning green Seasons change and so do I Suddenly I feel alive again Snow has finally begun to melt Days have grown somehow so much longer Catch the tram, let's go to the park Cross the bridge, the water's clear Take the train, I'll meet you there Let's go walk down by the river Grab some food over at the market I'll show you around my part of town Spring's awakening and so am I And when you visit I feel high Let's go out, let's go take a trip Climb a mountain or cross some borders Who needs a car when you've got a train Takes you everywhere and you feel free Let's go out and find a snack Falafel Surprise and some Apfelwein Don't let the skyline intimidate you It's not Berlin, but it's not so bad There's plenty here if you know where to look After a while, you'll come to like it
12.
The time is drawing near When I will have to leave Away from this land again Back in the old homeland And when I set foot back there Will it feel like home? Will it feel alright? Or will I turn right back around? This has become my second home It's hard to lead a double life To tread two paths at the same time How do you choose which one to take? I can't answer in a word I can't put it in a box It's not as easy as it seems To reconcile these thoughts The more that you see The farther you go The more that you learn The more there is still to find My time is up, the dream is done (Die Zeit ist um, mein Traum ist aus) Schon zu Ende, ich muss weg Translation of last line: Already over, I have to leave
13.
05:58
After a year of living the dream It's become hard to recollect it all All the pictures and the memories They're all that I have to show for it now After the dream is over and done How should it feel when it's all in the past It all seems distant and so impossible Now I wonder if it really happened I ran to Berlin whenever I felt lonely Meet some friends then head to Tacheles Or I'd find myself at the steps of the Kölner Dom Cross the bridge or go walk along the Rhein Spent the weekends always on a train Chasing Bauhaus or World Heritage Sites The mines of Rammelsberg, the Gardens of Wörlitz The old town of Lübeck, the palace of Würzburg Museums and churches, the Christmas markets And at the end, it came in a rush It must have been some kind of strange dream Readjustment is no easy task Should I go back and relive the dream

about

The third album by The Nowhere Man. The result of a year of living in Germany and six months of recording. Primarily written and recorded with an acoustic guitar I bought in Hannover.

credits

released May 16, 2011

All songs written by Patrick Vacek, June 2009 – April 2011, except track 13 coda written July 2008.

Recorded, mixed, and mastered by Patrick Vacek at the Pestalozzi Palace, St. Louis, MO, November 2010 – May 2011, except for the following: drums on tracks 3 and 11 recorded at Craig's apartment, drums on tracks 1 and 7 recorded and mixed by Brad Schumacher in association with Oo-de-lally Audio, and track 13 coda recorded July 2008 at the Laughing Street Studio, Böttingen, Germany.

All instruments and vocals performed by Patrick Vacek, except for the following: drums on tracks 3 and 11 by Craig Hurst, drums on tracks 1 and 7 by Austin Case, additional vocals on tracks 5, 8, 10, and 13 by Joshua Potter, and Tuvan throat singing on track 1 coda by Paul Donnelly.

Thanks to all the wonderful people and organizations I got to know while living in Germany: Alina, Henrik, Iris, and Michael; Herr Mainka and the Carl Duisberg Centrum Köln; Andrzej and Daniela; the Fachhochschule Hannover Informatik Abteilung and the FHH Erasmus students; Natalie; Arkadius, Raphael, Felix, Bernhard Esslinger, and the Cryptography Competence Center; the Congress-Bundestag Youth Exchange; and Candice, Emma, Mackenzie, Elaine, and the rest of the 26th PPPler. Special thanks to Margaret and Theresa for the bodhrán. Additional thanks to my family and friends for their support.

Cover photography by Patrick Vacek, Köln, Germany, September 2009.

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